There’s been a lot of talk about bullying lately, especially with the recent events of Amanda Todd. Let me first start off with saying that it was a horrible thing to have happened to anyone, let alone a 15 year old girl.
Although, in her case I wouldn’t say it was bullying, I’d say it was more to the effect of harassment and stalking that drove her to the edge. It still doesn’t make it any less worse though, someone has taken their life yet again.
As someone who was bullied rather harshly throughout junior high and high school it always upsets me when I read an article about someone getting pushed past the brink of their emotions and ending it because I’ve been there. I was the girl who hid in the library with her friends, loved video games, comics and anime, was overweight and not very pretty. I was picked on for my weight and pretty much anything anyone could find abnormal with me. I remember I used to hide in the shower stalls to change for gym because the girls would act all grossed out that they had to look at me. I’d get slammed into lockers, and told I caused a solar eclipse when I walked by windows. Then in grade 11, a misunderstanding cost me my only friends who were only so quick to completely turn against me and continue the bullying. It was then that I started cutting for a brief while, because I had no one. Changing schools for my grad year was a step in the right direction even if it was running away from my problems. I was still picked on, but I had better friends, who every once in a while made me forget about my issues.
The whole time I was picked on, my friends and family would tell me to just ignore them and the things they were saying/doing, but it’s really hard to ignore something like that when it happens every day. Even worse, you start to believe those things that the girls and boys all say, which really doesn’t help an already awkward teenage girl. (And still in my near-30’s)
We have bullying programs in place in schools, but in reality, they don’t do anything because those who are being bullied are afraid to stand up because things will get worse, and the bullies just scoff at the programs anyways. Then we have the “It Gets Better Campaign” which, while I appreciate the sentiment I sort of disagree with. Is it really getting better for people, or are we just sweeping this whole issue under the carpet and telling ourselves it’s getting better?
Sure, once I got out of high school I never saw any of my bullies again, but nothing has really been “better” so to speak. I am still super self-conscious and I have days where I really hate myself. For example, let’s say I’m walking in a mall and I hear a group of girls laughing, I immediately jump to the “Is it me they’re laughing at?” instead of the “Oh, those kids are so happy with each other, to be young again…etc.”
Granted, I’m still more confident than I used to be. Not by much, but every little bit helps. I’m also taking initiative for my health and made a 6 month goal with the doctor to lose 25-30 pounds. I know I shouldn’t worry about my looks, but I have found that with the last 17 pounds I’ve lost I’ve gained that much confidence. Even after typing this out I feel a lot better. It's always going to be one step at a time.
